


Pure Romance

by littlebreadrolls



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Dildos, M/M, MLM schemes, kind of cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 11:58:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18549313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebreadrolls/pseuds/littlebreadrolls
Summary: "I'm surprised at you, Will.""Uh, I'm just holding it for a friend?""I thought I had finally impressed upon you the importance of being careful with what goes into your body. Good food, good wine – ""Good sex toys?""Just so. Pure Romance? A product from a Multi-Level Marketing scheme? How appalling. My only solace lies in the fact that you haven't yet had the chance to use it."--Hannibal finds a Pure Romance dildo in Will's desk. It isn't what it looks like.





	Pure Romance

 

It's September in Alaska. The fishing is good. Will stays out as much the light permits and comes home reeking and sodden, and when he tramps into his bedroom for a change of clothes one evening, he finds Hannibal kneeling over the opened drawer of his bedside table.

"Snooping, Hannibal?" says Will. "I thought we were past that."

Hannibal turns around. The vivid pink dildo is in his hands. He raises an eyebrow.

"Oh. Right." Will pauses. "That's – it isn’t what it looks like."

"I'm surprised at you, Will."

"Uh, I'm just holding it for a friend?"

"I thought I had finally impressed upon you the importance of being careful with what goes into your body. Good food, good wine – "

"Good sex toys?"

"Just so. Pure Romance? A product from a Multi-Level Marketing scheme? How appalling. My only solace lies in the fact that you haven't yet had the chance to use it."

"How would you know that?"

"By smell."

"You could smell if – ? Ugh. _Ugh._ You know, your gift seems as much of a double-ended sword as mine is. Now listen, before you get off on a proper rant, just realize that I had no intention of using this thing at all. I bought it because Amy wouldn't stop pestering me about it. You remember Amy, right? Short brown hair, sequined glasses? She bumped into me at the grocery store. She’s been pretty strapped lately, and she’s been pestering me to buy something and … I felt bad for her. I wanted to help her out. In the end, it was either the dildo or the essential oils. She sells both."

Hannibal makes a tsk-ing sort of sound and stands. His knees crack like a normal mortal's, Will notes with a perverse sort of satisfaction. "You do realize that Amy isn’t going to receive most of the proceeds from your purchase? The majority of the profits go to the top of pyramid. MLM schemes prey on innocent people like Amy.”

Will laughs. “Hannibal,” he says, “don’t tell me that _you’re_ taking moral umbrage with the idea of preying on innocent people."

"It's not quite the same sort of preying, my dear, and you know it." Hannibal somehow conveys the impression of pouting without actually doing anything as undignified as actually pouting. He's also still got the dildo in his hand. He regards it speculatively, and Will doesn’t like _that_ at all. Nothing good happens when Hannibal gets speculative. Will's fears are borne out, a moment later, when Hannibal continues, “Still, even if the product itself is lackluster, your decision is an intriguing one. Either the dildo or the essential oils, you said? And you picked the dildo. How curious. Perhaps – ”

“OK, don’t start. Don’t  – “

“ – you have needs which are going unsatisfied?”

“That’s it, get out of my room. I need to change out of these clothes. Unless you want me sitting on all of your fancy furniture with my jeans smelling of fish.”

Hannibal does leave, with only a small smile and with nary a final word – which gives Will absolutely no sense of satisfaction, but a deep and ghastly foreboding instead. Hannibal is rarely so compliant.

Only when he’s got some sort of idea cooking in his big, malevolent brain.

 

A month goes by and nothing out of the ordinary happens. Will almost forgets about the dildo altogether. It becomes a banal fixture in his sock drawer, as mundane as the broken umbrella leaning in his closet or the decorative soaps in the downstairs bathrooms.

Then, one evening, after the main meal has been eaten and the dessert as well, Hannibal carries out a final platter. It's large and domed. Will chuckles. "A second dessert?"

Hannibal smiles. "Lift the cover and see for yourself."

"This is a little bit dramatic, even for you." Will lifts the platter. "Oh God," he says. He stares. He stares. He says, "Oh God," again. He stares some more. Then he says, " _Hannibal."_

On the platter, gleaming and lovely beneath the dining room lights, is an object made of wood. The variety of wood most resembles purpleheart. The shape of the wood most resembles a cock.

"Is – is _this_ why you asked me to teach you woodworking?!"

"Don't be silly, my dear. I always find it a pleasure to be taught by you, no ulterior motive needed. Being able to craft a _specific_ object like this is only a … perk. Though, of course, I had to do some additional research on my own. Varnishing a sex toy is rather different than varnishing a bowl. I decided to use cyanoacrylate glue for the outside. It's non-porous and body-safe – it is the type of glue that we use, sometimes, to seal up a wound in lieu of stitches."

"You carved this."

"With my own hands. It is a sight better than the Pure Romance one, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh, is _that_ what started this whole train of thought for you?" Will shakes his head and slams the cover back on the platter, only to lift it back up again a second later, as if he can't bear looking at the thing just as much as he can't bear to _not_ look at it. "Well … you're not using this thing on me, if that's what you assumed."

"I didn't assume it."

"I mean it, Hannibal. This thing isn't going anywhere _near_ my – uh, near me."

"Of course not. Not if you don't desire it."

"I'm _serious_. No amount of sweet talking or is going to get me to do it."

"I would not try to persuade you to do something that you do not want to do, Will."

Will snorts so explosively that the two dogs sprawled sleepily by his feet sit up in alarm. "Oh really? Since when? Never mind, don't even bother answering that. I'm not in the mood for bullshit. Listen, it – the craftmanship's fine. You did a fine job. It looks very … elegant. But – "

"Why, thank you, Will. I modeled it after your own."

" _But."_ Will lifts a finger. He's blushing, Hannibal notes with some fondness. Some color looks well him. He's usually so pale; how fine he would look in a necklace of ruby or beryl. Hannibal tucks the thought away for later. " _But_ – I'm not getting fucked by that thing," says Will. "No way. _No_ way. That's final. Hell, I'd rather you put that up on the mantle as a – a conversation piece or something."

"That could be arranged," says Hannibal mildly, "but I was rather thinking of you putting it inside of _me_ instead."

Whatever Will was going to say dies on his lips. He looks utterly flummoxed. "Oh. Uh. Really?" he manages after a few moments. The blush has spread down his face and to his neck. Hannibal wants to lick it up. He realizes, with wonder, that there's nothing stopping him from doing so, and the thought sends a warm throb running through his deepest parts. It's still so novel and tentative, this newfound freedom he has with Will. It amazes him that he is allowed to kiss Will – to put his mouth and hands on Will's skin.

He stands from his chair and goes to Will and bends over him. Will's throat bobs with a dry swallow. Hannibal kisses that throat, and that red-flushing skin, all the way up to Will's mouth. "Yes," he murmurs, "don't you want to put it in me? This replica of your cock?"

Will shivers. He wraps his arms around Hannibal's neck and clings to him. "I'd rather put my real cock in you instead."

"Yes, do that. And then put this in me. By the time I come, you'll be hard again."

This time, Will moans, and nips his lip.

Hannibal is pleased with himself. The evening is turning out very well indeed. And who knows what the next evening will bring, or the evenings after that? Will is a shy boy. He often needs a bit of coaxing, a bit of teasing, before he warms up to novel sensations. Perhaps, once he's seen how much Hannibal enjoys it – and Hannibal certainly does intend to enjoy it, very, very much– he'll be a bit more open to Hannibal's handmade gift. After all, thinks Hannibal cheerfully, Will has followed his lead into more perilous territories than these.

 

Two days later, Hannibal finds the rubbery pink dildo on Will's desk.

"Oh yeah," says Will. "Well, it seemed a waste to just throw it out. I found another use for it." He sits down at his chair in front of his computer and demonstrates. "You see? It's pretty good as a keyboard wrist rest."

Hannibal is not impressed.

**Author's Note:**

> i wonder if i'll be getting angry pure romance sellers in my inbox, lol.


End file.
